Thursday, January 28, 2010

Jurassic Start

I get out of my car after neatly parking it in the depot at work, I head for the door and enter in the code on the keypad. As soon as I put my foot in the door what do I hear? Someone whistling the theme tune to Jurassic Park... I work with strange people.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Quote of the Month

I very much doubt I will be displaying a "quote of the month" every month (I will try my best but, let's face it, I'm lazy) but I have just heard the best quote so far this year. A truly wonderful saying from Jeff, our very own Quality Consultant here at work, without further a-do here it is...

"Lifes a shit sandwich, and we are all having a picnic."
Jeff Moules

You are probably wondering how this come about being said, well, funnilly enough, I ordered an egg and bacon sandwich not too long ago (I will have hopefully forgotten the "quote of the month" when the time comes to actually eat it), Jeff ordered the same, while ordering, I gave him my crispy ten pound note, fresh from the atm, and he gave me in return, a few coins and a rather less-crispy five pound note as change(honestly though this fiver was shameful). I jokily complained about this dreadful fiver, and in response to my complaint, this month's "quote of the month" was born...

Monday, January 25, 2010

A Long Time Coming

Before going to bed last night I realised that it had been over a week since I had posted anything, truth is I have not had much to say. I didn't get the infamous writers block, there was just nothing I specifically wanted to talk about. Even after the weekend, I still don't have anything interesting to share.

Apart from 1 thing last week, nothing special really took place. However that 1 thing that did happen was really special, it marked 1 year that I had been with my girlfriend. 1 great whole year to be honest, no arguements, no conflicts, everything is just as it seems with her, easily the best year of my life to date and (despite it being monday today) I feel really happy.

In other news, I have a new desk calendar at work, it is not anything special but it has cheesey sayings like "A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way" while at the same time telling me that in 1327, Edward III became king of England.... After reading that, I gave it to someone else.

Along with picture evidence of this completely pointless desk calander I have added some photos that have recently had the pleasure of being photographed by my blackberry. Enjoy...

This is the disgraceful desk calander I so kindly gave to a collegue.

Something I conjured up on friday and sent to my girlfriend, and yes I am strange.

While taking a toilet break at a Malaysian resturant I came across these funnies in front of the urinal.

Biggest sign you could imagine, on the side of a building just south of the Thames in London, as if anyone really cares...

A rather unfortunate sign don't you think? The words should have been "fuchs" which means "fox" in German...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

To Prove You Wrong...

Something got pointed out to me the other day. I only seem to write on my blog on weekdays, I seem to go AWOL on the weekends and not bother. So to prove people wrong, here it is, a weekend post from yours truly...

Now obviously, this is the point I then start to write about something interesting, or something completely random. I actually have nothing to write about, and I feel a little annoyed that I am writing for the sake of it to prove people wrong. I like to go against the grain sometimes, it is a problem I have.

That brings me to my next topic, the problems I have. Well lately I have been looking at the weather forecast way too much! I'm not sure if it is an addiction, but I seem to be hooked on the damn thing. What else? Well, not so much now, but my girlfriend bought me a classic n64 for Christmas and I could not stop playing that (that was an addiction because the thing is just so damn cool), however that has died down slightly.

So, with my middle finger up to those opposing my lack of weekend post's, I leave you safe in the knowledge that today will be a largely dry day with bright or sunny spells, possibly a few light showers to the south of London....

(Oh and to those who was wondering how I got on with my bosses car, despite driving really fast down the motorway, unaware that he had a spare tyre on that specifies you shouldn't go over 60 mph, I came back in one piece, along with a big smile on my

Friday, January 15, 2010

I Had a Dream...

Yes I did, I dreamt that I was a race car driver, Formula 1 I think... It was short lived as I woke to a face full of alarm clock! I hate my alarm clock so much, so much that I am thinking about replacing it...

I realise that my idea is flawed, it will end up with me getting a new alarm clock, then eventually hating it just the same. Oh well, on a brighter note, I get to drive my bosses Mercedes today. This might not be a good idea, it is not like I'm a bad driver, I just don't have a fast enough car to be a bad driver. Now I do...

Monday, January 11, 2010

The 2009 Drawer

I have been back at work for a week now, it actually went suprisingly quick (which is always a good thing when you wish it to be the weekend already). Anywho, yes, back for a week already, I walked into my office this morning and took one look at my desk and thought: "my gosh, I think I have forgotten what colour the top of my desk is!". As you may have guessed, it is a right mess! I then proceeded to have a mass tidy-up, I started planning out what I would do with all my old files, all my out of date paper work etc etc...

The planning stage was going well, until something strange happened. I realised I had a free drawer in desk, one that had been untouched since I walked through my office door for the first time last year. It was then that the planning stage was pushed to one side. Everything that was on my desk, in paper form, is now embedded deep into that drawer.

I now call that drawer "the 2009 drawer". I know I will never need any of it anymore, but the fact of the matter is, I cannot be bothered to sort through it at this moment in time. So I have come to the conclusion that I will only sort this drawer out a year from now. Obviously then I will change the name of it to "the 2010 drawer" and replace it with all that covers my desk at that time. But for now, the 2009 drawer is in place, and will be untouched for a whole year.

I'm so productive at work. A real trooper...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

New Toaster Please

I decided I wanted toast. However my toaster had other ideas. Whether it was a blown fuse on the plug, or the fact it is about 5 years old now, my toaster was, well, not toasting anymore.

Before you ask, referring to my blog title, no, I did not put any socks in my toaster.

I then had to settle for toast the old-fashioned way, I used the grill in the oven. It took twice as long and it seems to toast the crust better than the bread itself.

I should have gone to the cafe. I would have done but I was let down by Simon who went out last night and was unable to get up this morning due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed last night.

Simon you owe me a new toaster.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Snow Joke

I woke up this morning, and was very confused to why my alarm was going off, I then continued to believe I had put it on by mistake. It was then that it dawned on me, that today was thursday and I had to get up to go to work. I really hate it when that happens! I couldn't even remember what day it was, like as if I had awoken from some sort of coma (a strange, un-heard of "8 hour coma" that is).

To top that off, I finally decided to turn off my alarm (which had now been bleeping consitantly for about 2 minutes), slowly get myself up, only to come face to face with the blanket of snow covering every inch of what was outside of my window.

Driving in the snow is somewhat interesting to say the least, it goes without saying that you have to be extra vigile while on the roads (especially the side roads), any sharp movements could send you sliding into some poor sods front garden. I remember recently seeing something worrying but at the same time rather amusing. I was on my way down to East Sussex with my girlfriend, it was during the aftermath of the sever snow that hit southern England mid december last year. We were driving along the A22 when we both spotted some tyre tracks in the road vearing off into the forest. Obviously someone had taken a wrong turn, as the tyre tracks went straight into a load of evergreen trees and dissappeared into the darkness. Whether or not the car was still in the forest or not we will never know... However further down the same road we then saw a car which had drawn the short straw and had veared off in the same way, but into a barrier (you can imagine what state the car was in).

Believe it or not this dampened the mood slightly, it was then I knew which one I would have preferred to have experienced.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Metaphor Fail

It’s snowing again..... This is not dreadfully too exciting as London has had the better of the snow overnight, much less than anywhere else in the UK.

To contradict, it’s kind of exciting, though, because the only snow we had last year was in February, but for some reason this winter seems more in touch with the snow. Obviously it is not that exciting for the people unlucky enough to have been in any car crashes, or anyone unlucky enough to have been snowed in somewhere they really don't want to be.

I was having a good think this morning on the way to work (dangerous I know), with my windscreen wipers on full, my speed kept to a sensible number, unlike the rain, there is no metaphors to describe how heavily it is snowing. There are a few metaphors for raining, such as “it's raining cats and dogs”, “it's spitting” or simply just “pouring.” You can't really say "it's snowing cats and dogs". It just doesn't fit, and there aren't any other good expressions. All you can say is "it's snowing hard", which, to be fair is pretty poor. I guess when it’s snowing, people say something along the lines of “it’s like a blizzard out there,” which is actually not a metaphor (or even a simile) because you’re not comparing it to something it’s not, you’re comparing to something it arguably is – a blizzard.

I felt the need to try and create some snow metaphors myself:

"It's like a sheeps blanket out there!"
"It's like a dandruff drift out there!"
"It's like Snow Whites fleece out there!"

That is the best I could do, feel free to add your own...

Monday, January 4, 2010


Same shit, different day. Or perhaps same shit different year? I hate the feeling you get when the festive period comes to an end you are faced with the inevitability of going back to work. Post-christmas depression if you will. That day is today for me, and I really wish it wasn't!

Anywho, 2010, does a new year always mean you have to "start fresh", "new year new me" etc etc? I actually liked how my 2009 went. I don't wish to change any of my habits, my choices, my lifestyle etc, it didn't affect my 2009 in any way so hopefully the same rules apply for 2010.

Although I will contradict myself slightly, I do wish to get a new job at some point this year... But lets face it, not many people are happy with their jobs, I happen to be one of those people.

To all those reading this I hope this year is going to be as kind to you as I hope mine will be to me!