Monday, March 29, 2010

You Know You're In England When...

1. You play football on the weekend, have a half time team talk and your manager hands out cups of tea to the players. It is a well known fact that the English love their tea. The example I have given was something I experienced for the first time last weekend...

2. You wait for a bus for at least an hour, and then two of them come at the same time. The first bus driver usually tells you to get on the second bus just to even things out, but you have to be careful because if you wait for the second one, that bus driver may just drive past and leave you there for another hour...

3. You always encounter a glorious mantle-piece when entering an English home, an important feature to any Limey's abode. The usual objects being antique clocks (most of all don't actually work and are there for show), many cards from a previous birthday perhaps or even a simple ornament that has no particular use but to look 'pretty'.

4. You are unlucky enough to encounter a 'White Van Man' on your travels. My Dad is a clear-cut White Van Man, no respect for other drivers, passengers or (especially) cyclists. The only reason I can explain this is that most White Van Men do not own their vehicles, they are usually the property of the company they work for, so if they have an accident their company pays the damages...

5. You happen to encounter a queue of some sort, for the bus perhaps, the post-office, in a bank, or even for an ATM. The English love a good queue. You also get the odd queue-jumper too...

6. You don't know it, but you will without a doubt encounter an eavesdropping 'nosey-parker' at some point. These are the tactical beings who happen to neatly place themselves near to yours and your friends conversation and listen intently without you knowing. There is no real benefit from doing this, the English are a know-it-all race.

7. You are faced with the task of small talk, it is a very common occurance within the English community, when you meet someone it can be difficult to know how to start a conversation. A few key examples would be; "It's a lovely day today, isn't it?", "So what do you do then?" or the classical "What have you been up-to?". Topics to steer clear of would be a persons age, weight or appearence, jokes that might possibly offend and all topics concerning religion.

8. You come to a point during a meal out where you have to give a tip. Us English love to tip (well, most of us do), however we never know how much to tip. We do, however, hate the 'service charge' which some resturants/cafes add on themselves. This offends the English as even though they probably will tip, they just like to have the choice.

9. You finally start eating your peas by squashing them against the reverse side of your fork.

10. You notice that the English always complain about the weather, yet when they go on holiday (where it is definately much hotter) they carry on compaining about the weather. however this time it is "too hot" as opposed to "too cold".

Friday, March 12, 2010

Here's One For You...

"Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content."
Paul Valery

I just stumbled across this, a quote relating the adversaries that people and books may face. I don't know why i like it so much... Maybe it is the sense of reality behind it? The funny thing is that I am far from cynical, I despise cynicism ever so much however despite that and despite the humour involved this quote is very accurate.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Fireman Sam Eat Your Heart Out!

I have a cat, it is safe to say that this cat is at best described as "doolally"... Because of the cold weather my cat has been a bit too domestic lately, not going out, staying in the warmth (which is probably a very clever thing to do), however this morning my cat was not so clever... I had not long been up when I looked through my bedroom window only to find my cat outside on top of the garden fence looking rather un-easy. I went downstairs and out into the garden and had to 'rescue' my cat from the jaws of the garden fence. She had managed to get through the cat-flap (which is a struggle for her as she is yet to grasp the concept of it, even after 9 years) and climb up the fence and somehow get stuck... I repeat, doolally!

Anywho, apart from my daring life saving antics I have not really got much else to share with you. I am still under the weather and had to sacrifice my nights out this weekend because of that, I don't mind though as I do enjoy staying in with the Girlfriend and 'vegging' out on the sofa watching a good film. Tell a lie, we actually hit Chinatown on sunday night for my Girlfriend's Dad's 49th birthday, despite the freezing cold it was a nice evening, we had Chinese food believe it or not....

Monday, March 1, 2010

Untitled 2

Happy ruddy monday! I do not have the energy to write a full-blown blog entry so I am just going to amaze you by posting some images I have stumbled across recently... Below is the work of a Mr Edgar Mueller aka "super artist"!

Together with up to five assistants, Mueller painted all day long from sunrise to sunset. The picture appeared on the East Pier in Dun Laoghaire, Ireland, as part of the town's Festival of World Cultures.

For this image he actually spent five days, working 12 hours a day, to create the 250 square metres of it, which, viewed from the correct angle, appears to be 3D. I also like the fact he has managed to get passer-bys to complete the illusion by pretending the gaping hole was real...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hi, I'm Jerry...

Getting into work first thing in the morning is always a bore, I continue to carry out the usual things, turning the computer on, making a rosie, checking emails etc. I do like to be humoured in the morning, saying that, I looked at my emails and found one sent to me by my girlfriend last night, it actually made me laugh out loud at my desk (luckily I get into work quite early and no-one heard me). So, by re-posting it on here it will do the same to you where ever you are...

Oh and I just come across something rather annoying, everytime one of my collegues is in the office (being that he lives in Yorkshire and our offices are in London he is here an un-godly amount) and I am just about to tuck into a sausage roll/McDonalds/Bacon roll for breakfast he always walks past my office door, sticks his head in and says "mind your fingers". Now, the first time was quite funny (haha don't eat it too fast or you will eat your fingers instead, yes, very funny), the second time reminded me of the first so I still laughed but not as much as before. I've not kept count or anything but he has said it too many times now and it has officially gone beyond the realms funny. Sod off you northern pratt and let me eat my breakfast!

Also another work-related peeve, as per company policy I have to say my name when I pick up an outside call, each time I clearly say my first name (which is Terry if you are un-aware) and I've had it a few time recently were people keep calling me Jerry! Jerry???... I even got a "Tolivo" once (again, for the un-aware, my second name is Olivo, a strange surname I know) and someone seemed to think that Tolivo was an actual first name!

On a lighter note, I went to a football match last night, "down the lane" as us Spurs fans refer it too. T'was a very good game and we had pretty decent seats too. Super Pav scoring 2 goals and secretly putting his middle finger up at Harry Redknapp for not playing him as much as he should have. The funny thing about last night was that amongst us 5 going to the game, we had a Manchester United fan with us. Lets just say, he was getting abit too carried away with the Spurs chanting, too carried away...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Design By German

I was just sent an email at work, it was not work related at all. Usually when I receive emails from this particular collegue I am always expecting something funny to read. This time I was sent something pretty cool. Now, I work for a German company so obviously this email had originated from Germany (hence all the German writing on the follwing images), however, I thought it was worth sharing as I do enjoy design-related things that I can appreciate (even if it is German)...

I do really like these designs, the only flaw obviously is that you would have to catch the lorry at a specific angle to see the design in its true state. The Hot & Spicy one is by far my favorite, although the huge bottle one is very clever indeed. Feel free to let me know your favorite...

Monday, February 22, 2010

Bath Time

Hello readers! Again I have unfortunately left and un-holy gap inbetween my posts, however I wish to make amends by showing you what a great time I had in Bath. So to follow up on my previous post, yes, I went to Bath for a long weekend, it is safe to say I have been there on countless occassions, my brother Colin lives over there and I try to visit him as much as humanly possible! Everytime I have gone I have not gone for the sight seeing, no, I only ever go to see my brother, hit a few pubs/bars and generally have a great time!

This visit was slightly against the grain, I went with my girlfriend this time (with obviously the thought of seeing my brother also) but this visit was going to be different to the usual goings ons... A romantic weekend if you will, where I would proceed to actually "sight see"! I can't begin to count how many times I have gone to Bath and not actually been a proper tourist. So without further a-do, I am proud to present some photos for your viewing pleasure...

"We are here". This is yours truly pointing out exactly where we are on le map.

Just a typical Bath street.

The Royal Crescent. The "posh" Part of Bath. It is the curved buildings that amaze me!

A band stand in Victoria Park I believe, had to be photographed.

This was just on the entrance to Victoria Park, a World War 1 memorial if my memory serves me correctly.

The famous Pultney Bridge which I continuosly referred to as "Putney" Bridge... I was embarrassingly corrected by my brother.

A view of Pultney Bridge from on the bridge itself, the way the shops are on the bridge strangely made you believe you wasn't on a bridge at all, it just seemed to blend in with the two roads leading up to it!

Baths famous boomerang shaped lowhead dam (also known as a weir). Definately worthy of ones camera.

One of the taxi options available when in Bath.

I had to photograph this, a house on Queen Square completely engulfed with what looks like dead vines. Very eerie indeed.

Here once lived Jane Austen apparently...

Just a picture I wanted to take to show off some of Bath's architecture, I particularaly like to engraved road signs featuring on the side of many buildings.

A strangely dressed fellow outside the Jane Austen centre. I had to get a picture with him!

bath Abbey in all it's glory!

Darlington Street, there is nothing historically special about this street, I just liked the last house, the engraved road sign etc...

This creature is Colin, my brother.

Another view of Baths' weir.

I had to get a picture of this, whilst rumaging round one of Baths many book shops I came across a huge wall collage of Tin-Tin comic strips.

Talent like I have never seen before. This man was playing the violin whilst walking on a rope. I failed at taking a picture of him when we saw him in the evening as he was doing his act in front of a well lit shop which seemed to over power the flash on my camera. Luckily we spotted him again in the day time.

On one of our many walks around Bath we discovered this heavilly-weathered building, which I assume once upon a time had some very eye-catching Art Deco advertising on it.

Whilst in the queue to see the Roman Baths this woman was entertaining passer bys with her soothing music being played from what I can only guess is a very well dented tin bowl of some kind. The sound was similar to that of a steel drum, but not as agressive with the drumming part.

Outside the Roman Baths with the Bath Abbey lurking in the background.

Outside the entrance to the Roman Baths.

A small waterfall withint the Roman Baths structure.

This is the main bath itself, I just loved the reflection you got from just looking at the water, let alone the steam rising from the water as well.

The girlfriend :) Doesn't she look cute!

Whos that dashing young man? Oh sorry thats me!

Another view of the main bath.

At some point a strange man dressed in white robes came out of the structure.

By far the best picture I took from the whole weekend, I can get all "arty farty" with a camera but sometimes it is worth it!

The flowing water entering the main bath from inside the structure.

This was a second but smaller bath situated away from the main bath. Isn't the architecture just amazing?

Second bath again...

And again...

...... And again.

Finally, if my memory serves me well this small room was for massaging or something?

I hope you enjoyed my pictorial guide of our visit to Bath. It is truly a wonderful place and without sounding too "salesmanish" I would recommend anyone to go and visit.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Due to a recent long weekend away combined with this on going illness of mine I have neglected my blogging duties some-what. I will however continue to attempt to put more effort in. I was definately under the impression that I was going to be a blogger that blogged quite frequently, but it seems I may have been mistaken.

Any-who, yes, I have been away on a long weekend. I will not give away too much as I will have photos to follow this post, combined with witty captions and short stories. All I can tell you is where I buggered off to, I went to Bath (in Somerset) for 4 days with my girlfriend. That is all.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Someone Had Their Head Screwed On...

This is just something I stumbled across while shopping in Sainsburys the weekend. Who ever left it there was thinking laterally, outside of the box if you will. Berocca is a popular dietary supplement for people constantly on the go, in other words it is the ultimate hangover cure, and the fact I saw it down the cereal isle in amongst the Frosties made me laugh somewhat. Instead of cereal in the morning, take this dietry supplement to get rid of your alcohol enduced headache...

Mind you, I did get a few looks from fellow shopperteers who happened to spot me taking this pitcure. I don't embarass easily so I didn't mind the attention (unlike my girlfriend who decided she "didn't know me" for about 5 minutes!). How rude, I just wanted to share it with the world!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Silver Lining

There is some truth to this silver lining lark. It has been approximately 2 months now since I quit smoking. I'm very proud I managed to quit, and to be honest it is the best thing I could have done!

However there is a down side to all of this. I started to feel the aftermath of quitting, aside from coughing an awful lot I was getting ill way too easily! Amazingly I have been ill since Boxing Day, on and off colds/coughs the lot! To top it off, last Friday my doctor diagnosed me with a chest infection. After that I was beginning to think that quitting was a silly idea, maybe if I had known about the 'aftermath' I was about to endure I might not have bothered...

But yes, the silver lining... I just got in from my weekly lads night out down the local snooker hall (back in my smoking days I would have chuffed a few cigerellos by now) and I realised that I no longer reek of smoke when I get in, where-as before I would not even have noticed (being used to the smell of course). It feels good to come back from a night out and still smell my aftershave I put on before I left the house and also be able to leave a shirt in my room after a night out and not have it stink the whole room out by the morning!!!

It is also safe to say that my girlfriend, as a strict non-smoker herself, is also very happy that I have quit. The silver lining continues...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Jurassic Start

I get out of my car after neatly parking it in the depot at work, I head for the door and enter in the code on the keypad. As soon as I put my foot in the door what do I hear? Someone whistling the theme tune to Jurassic Park... I work with strange people.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Quote of the Month

I very much doubt I will be displaying a "quote of the month" every month (I will try my best but, let's face it, I'm lazy) but I have just heard the best quote so far this year. A truly wonderful saying from Jeff, our very own Quality Consultant here at work, without further a-do here it is...

"Lifes a shit sandwich, and we are all having a picnic."
Jeff Moules

You are probably wondering how this come about being said, well, funnilly enough, I ordered an egg and bacon sandwich not too long ago (I will have hopefully forgotten the "quote of the month" when the time comes to actually eat it), Jeff ordered the same, while ordering, I gave him my crispy ten pound note, fresh from the atm, and he gave me in return, a few coins and a rather less-crispy five pound note as change(honestly though this fiver was shameful). I jokily complained about this dreadful fiver, and in response to my complaint, this month's "quote of the month" was born...

Monday, January 25, 2010

A Long Time Coming

Before going to bed last night I realised that it had been over a week since I had posted anything, truth is I have not had much to say. I didn't get the infamous writers block, there was just nothing I specifically wanted to talk about. Even after the weekend, I still don't have anything interesting to share.

Apart from 1 thing last week, nothing special really took place. However that 1 thing that did happen was really special, it marked 1 year that I had been with my girlfriend. 1 great whole year to be honest, no arguements, no conflicts, everything is just as it seems with her, easily the best year of my life to date and (despite it being monday today) I feel really happy.

In other news, I have a new desk calendar at work, it is not anything special but it has cheesey sayings like "A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way" while at the same time telling me that in 1327, Edward III became king of England.... After reading that, I gave it to someone else.

Along with picture evidence of this completely pointless desk calander I have added some photos that have recently had the pleasure of being photographed by my blackberry. Enjoy...

This is the disgraceful desk calander I so kindly gave to a collegue.

Something I conjured up on friday and sent to my girlfriend, and yes I am strange.

While taking a toilet break at a Malaysian resturant I came across these funnies in front of the urinal.

Biggest sign you could imagine, on the side of a building just south of the Thames in London, as if anyone really cares...

A rather unfortunate sign don't you think? The words should have been "fuchs" which means "fox" in German...